Lately, I’m finding myself more and more often in situations where I can’t set my priorities and values straight anymore. Over the last year, I was testing (and later supporting) the idea that most of the time, work sucks, and people need to shift focus to real life instead of wage-slaving - since that only leads to frustration and regrets at death’s door. On the other hand, any serious life goals demand money at the end of the day - you just can’t escape this system. I don’t think the “hut in the woods” idea is a real solution (well, maybe for some people). As much as I like the idea of chopping wood and listening to country music 24/7, it’s more like escapism. It doesn’t solve any real problems - just hides them from sight.

For the last few weeks, I haven’t been writing anything here because I was working a lot, and an interesting thing happened: I kinda… like it? I’m not even sure what I feel, to be honest. There were a lot of stressful moments that I didn’t like, but I really enjoyed the problem-solving part. Because of the new job - and some adjustments I made to the other jobs - I was able to multiply my monthly income by around 3 times, which is fucking a lot. And I’m still confused about what I’m doing right now and which direction I’m choosing. My biggest concern at the moment is that I don’t really have spare time to do stuff anymore. I still have time to walk, run, go out for dinner with friends - but no more sitting four hours a day working on my website and things like that. On the other hand, I don’t need to be afraid of tomorrow, and I can afford to take care of my health - maybe even help my family in the future.

And the main idea that came into my head - the one that caused this big shift in my thinking - is that I don’t have to do stupid jobs I don’t like. I can actually affect this variable in my life. Maybe all of my frustrations were simply caused by the content I was editing - not the fact of working itself. I love cinema and art in general. I love sincere content that has real value / message / purpose / beauty in it. So, theoretically, if I find the right projects and people, maybe I’ll be able to balance the shit out? Make money, make some impact, shift the current world-slop-balance - even if it’s just 0.0001%.

I often rant here about how the internet is getting worse, media is getting dumber, values are getting cheaper, etc. But, like - I can make some kind of impact. Networking is my biggest weakness, and probably the reason why I still mostly work on shitty projects that I personally don’t like or support. Maybe right now I just need to give away some of my freedom - to get the freedom of another kind in the future? That’s what I’ve been trying to figure out lately.

I don’t like disappearing from here and not posting - it feels uncomfortable and weird. So this is just a quick update on my current situation. I’ll probably post less in the near future - right now I’m reading a bunch of books, watching some courses, and trying to enhance my skills, so I have a better shot at landing projects I actually care about. Sorry for not replying to some emails - I really have too much stuff going on in my head right now.

Hope you’re all doing well!