I often write the same things in circles until I really shove an idea into my head, so here's another round of my thoughts on boredom, screen time, and creativity. Wait, I think I haven't written those thoughts here yet - probably just in my notebook. Anyway, I wrote a lot about this topic around a year ago, but all my attempts to fix the issue failed miserably, so here's round two!
The problem: I spend too much time in front of the screen. My typical day looks like this: I wake up around 6am, have breakfast, turn on my PC, and start working & studying, usually for about 6-7 hours. Then I take a small break, cook, do housework, and go back to the computer, sitting there until 9pm doing whatever comes to mind - surfing the net, researching random topics, diving into new rabbit holes or watching movies or YouTube for another 5-6 hours. That adds up to 10-14 HOURS A DAY. What the fuck!
The funny thing is I don’t even have social media anymore (except YouTube and this site) and haven't for a long time, yet it doesn’t help. It's just a lifestyle at this point. In September 2023, I tried to fix this, and it actually worked for a month. But then I forgot about it (as usual), and everything went back to "normal." Well, not exactly forgot, but you know how it works - some new idea came up, or something big happened, and my focus shifted completely.
A few words about my first attempt: it was hard because I lived in a more urban environment where so much happens around you, making it difficult to focus and do nothing. But it was an amazing experience. I started walking a lot - like a lot - sometimes for an entire day, until I reached complete wilderness. I found the most isolated places I could and just sat in silence, writing in my notebook - all the thoughts and observations that came to mind. It felt real, and I rarely feel that nowadays. I still have those notes and read them from time to time. I think I want to achieve the same thing with blogging at some point.
Because of this issue, I basically live on autopilot, drifting through life mindlessly without time for reflection or boredom - both essential for the brain to work properly. I've been thinking about childhood a lot lately. I remember watching Bridge to Terabithia when it came out in my local theater. I was about 9 years old, and I have such strong memories of it. Of course, part of that is because it was the first movie I saw about death from a child's perspective, but that's not the point. Looking back at any movie from that period, I notice the same thing: I thought about it for at least a week, analyzing it, remembering character lines and moments. Why? Because there weren’t many ways to watch a movie. Once a month, you saw something in a theater, maybe something else on TV, maybe a CD from the rental - that was it. No internet, no YouTube, no scrolling. That made everything feel valuable. I want to feel that again. Nowadays, I can watch a few movies a day, then add a few YouTube videos, etc. By the end of the day, I barely remember anything. Well, I do, but not in the right way - no reflection, no deep thoughts.
I think the lack of something makes it more valuable. Boredom makes everything more valuable. But it’s so hard to be bored when you have the most interesting things in the world just a few clicks away. It's a drug, but no one considers it one. Sometimes I wake up at night because of a very loud noise in my head - like a hundred radios or TVs playing at once, and I can't turn them off. During the day, I feel something similar with my own thoughts. If I have 10 free minutes, I fill them with some bullshit just to avoid feeling lonely or confused, like anesthesia.
Also, this lifestyle gives me huge anxiety. I’m always in a hurry for no reason. Every minute, something happens - news, movie or music releases, notifications, work calls. I do a thousand things a day and still feel like I’m not keeping up. Maybe FOMO is a big factor here. It feels strange to just sit in silence and do nothing when I could be learning a new skill or listening to a podcast to be a little "ahead" - which is total bullshit, obviously.
Anyway, here’s my second attempt at bringing realness back into my life. I think it could work because I managed to leave social media, which was a huge milestone and proof that I can do things like this.
Main idea: it’s easier to track one restriction than ten. My mistake before was isolating all the main issues and working on them separately, like with YouTube. That just doesn’t work. Something else will replace YouTube, and screen time will stay the same. So, I think the most effective approach is to limit computer time in general. I’ve decided that 6 hours a day is the best restriction for now. I’ve already tried it for a few days (but won’t write about results too early), and I barely have time for essential tasks like work and studying (which is great). Ideally, I’d like to reduce it to 4 hours a day, but I’m not sure if that’s possible. So, here’s a list of things that I really need my PC for:
- Work, obviously
- Studying
- Movies
- Website & emails
- Creating (music, visuals, etc.)
- Organization
The task: find alternatives to digital activities and maximize the number of things I can do offline. Everything I do is on my PC, and that’s a problem - a solvable one, though. Here’s a list of offline activities I’ve come up with (I’ll definitely find more):
- Writing (posts & email drafts, notes, ideas)
- Reading
- Listening to music
- Playing instruments
- Drawing, design drafts
- Just thinking
- Meditation
- House tasks - cooking, cleaning, etc.
- Running, hiking
I hope I won’t screw up this time and that this change will bring more quality time into my life. A few notes from my previous experience to remember:
- Loneliness is okay. In my first attempt, I felt very lonely, but it’s just a reaction - like quitting cigarettes or any other drug.
- Doing nothing is also okay. I definitely need to rewire my brain to accept this, but it's crucial. I don’t have to be a tool. I don’t have to do everything right and perfect. I only have one life, and that’s the only important thing. I don’t want to skip it.
- The emptiness will fill itself, and the silence will turn into music. I know this is true. I know this is how things are supposed to be. It’s going to hurt a little, but that’s life, right?
P.S. If you have similar issues or want to share something, email me at plantay (at) proton.me